dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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