Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
did i just pee glitter
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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