Nicole vs. Life
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize