i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
