Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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