I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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