no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm like, not good at living.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
