dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
