The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
