I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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