My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
