she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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