I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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