omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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