Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
