We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize