If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
