just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
