if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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