I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So much rum. So many feels.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Randomize
