WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
