I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
