i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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