I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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