Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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