I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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