whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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