Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
