Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
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