she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
