You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
