fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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