i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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