I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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