I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
