thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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