And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I checked into jail on foursquare
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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