I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
