I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
