So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
