I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
