walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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