Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
