My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
