and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
