My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
