yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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