I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
