These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
