I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
