She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
