1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My nipple is on Facebook.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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