Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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