it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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