You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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