I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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