Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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