he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
