Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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