my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
