thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
