She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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