The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
do herpes really smell.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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