So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
