Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
