You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
