I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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