Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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